I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
pray to the hookup gods
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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