People with herpes should wear stickers.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Someone shattered a urinal.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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