Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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