I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
