Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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