So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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