Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
