We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
