please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
