good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
