You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
