I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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