Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was like eating out sand paper
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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