idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
