out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
