This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
