just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we're making bets on your personal life
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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