My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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