I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
