I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
