Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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