Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
