Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
