Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
