There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This house was built for laser tag.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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