is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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