I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
