I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
