It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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