Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
whose parrot is this?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
