I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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