It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
