I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
