it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
