if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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