I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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