So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
