I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
