Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
