im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
