My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
