I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
