apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
