I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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