I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
