Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
