Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
