shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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