By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
FUCK WHALES
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
