Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
