It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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